I Believe in Angels
by Tarika Nachtwind
Summary: Do you believe in Angels? I do. Kathryn Janeway is my guardian angel.
1. Author's note

Author's note

This story is different from the others I wrote. It is set 43 years after Voyager came home and the most important people (well, at least in my eyes ;) - Captain Janeway and Chakotay - have long died. I also did somewhat approve of C/7 in this fic, yet I consider it to be J/C in very many ways, just not the obvious. Argh, I am not good at this. It really is not as bad as it sounds, so please read all the chapters and don't judge the story by this clumsy note.

I also completed it before posting. I think it needed to be done in order to be understood. I am not a native English speaker, so writing this fic has taken a lot of my time last week.  
Unfortunately, I cannot afford writing fanfics all day long, so Kat and all my other open fanfics will continue to grow chapter by chapter, little by little. But be assured, that I haven't forgotten them!

One very serious note: I thought this story up some months ago, but never wrote it down. One week ago I remembered it and it just cried to be written. Yet, I stumbled across a serious matter I hadn't thought about before. I had included the subject of school-shooting. With resent events, though, it has gone to a whole new dimension. I still kept it in this fic, as it is essential. I hope that I treated this subject with respect and proper sensitivity. My thoughts are with the people of Winnenden, Germany.

Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew and everything related to the show belong to Paramount.


	2. Prologue

Prologue

Their journey through the transwarp conduit was a bumpy ride, especially with that Borg sphere almost upon them. The red alert lights cast an eerie glow on the darkened bridge. Again, they fought for their lives and so much more this time. This tunnel of swirling colors was their way home. It had cost them a lot of sweat and one life to get this chance. They would not throw it away lightly.

Somewhere a siren shrilled another warning.

"Brace for impact!"

Captain Janeway suddenly jumped up, ignoring her own advice. It was intuition that made her look up. She blinked. Was that smoke rising from the Conn console?  
"Tom, get away from there!", she shouted and propelled herself in his direction.  
Voyager's pilot reacted promptly to the voice of his captain. However, he was too slow. He would have never gotten away in time had it not been that, out of nowhere, someone crashed into him and pinned him to the floor as the console exploded above their heads.

Ears ringing, Lieutenant Paris lay motionless on the gray carpet, still in shock. He could vaguely hear Commander Chakotay telling Tuvok to fire. Bright light filled the bridge through the view screen. The sphere had just exploded all around them. In the silence that followed, everybody could hear Chakotay whispering the question no one else dared to ask: "Where are we?"  
Ensign Kim looked at his console, sucked in a sharp breath and answered in a high pitched voice: "The Alpha quadrant. We made it! We are in the Alpha quadrant!"

Back at last! There were shouts of excitement, silent thank-yous and quite a few bright eyes. Tom Paris, too, came to his senses and realized that the weight on his back must have been his captain's. He laughed as he carefully sat up. "Well, Captain, you just have a knack for dramatic entrances."  
He caught her limp body in his arms and only now noticed her lack of response. "Captain?"  
His eyes widened as he took in the burns that covered her back. Frantically, he put his fingers to her throat to search for a pulse, held his own breath to discover hers, yet he found none. "Harry, I need site-to-site transport to sickbay now!" His cry of despair drew all eyes to the pair beneath the view screen. Nobody said a word. The anxiety, that seeped into every corner of the bridge, was palpable.  
Harry Kim hurriedly put in the necessary commands, but nothing happened. He blanched, when he saw the flashing warning sign on his console. "Transporters are off-line", he explained in a hollow voice.

Stifled gasps. Hurried steps. Somebody pressed a med-kit into his cold hands. Tom took out the medical tricorder, hoping against hope. Yet, it showed him what he already knew. The injuries she had sustained were too severe. He looked at her white face - mercifully, her eyes were closed - and started to weep.  
Everybody stared at his tear-stained face disbelievingly. But they knew it was true. Their Captain, the person who fought so hard to get them home, was dead.


	3. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_2421 - 43 years later..._

The PADD hit the opposite wall with a loud crunching noise. Almost at once all heads shot up and turned towards the desk I occupied trying to do my homework. I could feel their stares on me, especially one of a girl my age sitting only three desks away. I thought I might have seen her in one of my classes, but my mind was foggy with silent rage. The atmosphere in the room shifted suddenly. Some people picked up their own readings, others directed their stares in another direction. The librarian came into my view as well with a face like a thunderstorm ready to blow. And so I ran, not bothering to pick up the PADD that had caused all the trouble.

The late spring air calmed my frayed nerves. I breathed deeply and allowed my feet to carry me through the wonderful gardens of Starfleet Academy on their own accord. Actually, I don't get angry easily. In that respect I am a lot like Grandpa. In fact, I am told quite often, that I inherited more than just his name. And just like him I hate injustice.

I should have known from the very first minute, that Command 101, a class I worked very hard to get into, was rather dry and boring. Our teacher had announced right at the beginning, much to the chagrin of the boys, that we would not spend the little time we had in simulators or with endless class discussions. No, it would be textbook work and summaries of the life and work of Starfleet greatest officers. Well, even that didn't sound too bad in my ears as I loved to learn more about my childhood heroes. Yet, after Archer, Kirk, Picard and many others, most of the students grew listless. The books we had to read were very dull, lacking the adventures many of us had been hoping for. This morning, however, our teacher wrote a name on the screen that had all of the girls electrified, and me. A name that made me who I am as much as my Grandfather's did: Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the famous starship Voyager and so much more. To me, well please don't laugh at me, to me, she is my guardian angel. Nobody knows that or didn't want to believe me. Except Grandpa. Yes, Grandpa was the only one who took me seriously, me a mere eight year old boy. But Grandpa has long left this world. In my fantasy, they have finally found each other and now live in a world full of love and wonder.

Then came the afternoon and such a disappointment! The chapter about her had nothing to do with the stories of my childhood. If she had been an unfeeling android she would have achieved as much as it was described in this book. Nowhere, it told of her love and spirit, nowhere of her kindness and strength. I couldn't withstand the strong urge to throw the PADD as far from me as possible and... you know the rest.

For the first time I look up and find myself in a part of the grounds that is called Memory Gardens. It is a place to remember all the ships that never came home. It is approved of by Starfleet but the memorial plaques are acquired by those that are left behind. Each one is unique and lacks the splendor of official Starfleet memorials. Hardly anybody comes here. I am not sure whether many Fleeters are superstitious, like the sailors of old, that they might not come back themselves. Or is it that many people are just scared to walk through graveyards as it reminds them of their own mortality? Memory Gardens can certainly be called a graveyard, a place where families and colleagues can remember those whose bodies never came to rest in their homestead.

Blindly, I follow the path my feet know so well until they come to rest in the shadow cast by a memorial stone. Not just any memorial, though, Voyager's memorial. They had originally put it there after the Intrepid class starship USS Voyager had been lost in the badlands. When they miraculously came back to earth seven years later, the memorial had not been cut down but replaced by another. Unusual measures for an unusual ship.

The path I have followed is flanked by a hedgerow on the left and lush meadows on the right. The memorial stands where the hedge leaves the path to form a semicircle to open some space for two marble benches and the memorial stone in between. From afar one can already see the names of those who have died during the journey, inscribed on the left and right side of the stone pillar. It is made of freestone, but treated so that it won't erode. It's cross sectional area is a square that narrows steadily until the top, very much like an obelisk, and it reaches a hight of about two meters. Standing right in front of it, I can read the inscription I know so well: "Enemies thrown together by fate - bound in friendship forevermore. Your sacrifices have not been in vain, your love will always be in our hearts. USS Voyager 2371 - 2378"

Still thinking about that stupid textbook I sigh angrily and start to trace the names on the left side of the pillar. The are not sorted by rank, nor in an alphabetical order. No, they are simply listed in order of the dates of their deaths. Only the names are given: Stadi, Cavit, Fitzgerald...

Slowly I walk around the pillar. It's back is completely covered with white roses, which would also cover the rest of the stone were they not trimmed back from time to time. On it's right side, the names go on. Slowly I read them all until I reach the last ones: ...Joseph Carey, Kathryn Janeway. I can't refrain myself from touching her name. It means so much to me. Do you believe in angels? I do. Once, she has saved my life. Kathryn Janeway is my guardian angel. I shouldn't believe in such things with my nineteen years going to be a Starfleet officer one day? But I do, because this story is true...


	4. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_2410 - 32 years after Voyager came home_

I was thrilled when the day of the class field trip finally arrived. It was a trip to the Voyager museum! I had asked Grandpa to take me millions of times, or so it seemed to me. Yet, he always refused. Today, I can understand him. Voyager had been his home for seven years and suddenly all kinds of alien people were invading that home and his precious memories. I am not sure why I never asked my parents. Maybe I did feel that it was something to share with Grandpa or nobody else. Still, when we planned it for our next field trip, I was so excited I could talk about nothing else for days. Voyager, I could finally see and touch the place where all my bedtime stories were connected to as Grandpa was my chief story teller. Once, Mama tried to read a plain fairy tale to me. I cried until I could feel Grandpa's arms around me. Since then I became a Voyager expert. When I learned to read, of course, I got to know other heroes as well, Starfleet and others, real people and novel characters. Voyager stories, though, were always my favorites.

There we were, a pack of 40 excited children running around a real, if somewhat old, starship. We saw everything: the bridge, the captain's ready room, sickbay, the mess hall, some crew quarters, cargo bay II and my Grandmother's creepy alcove. What impressed me most was engineering. I loved the blue light, albeit fake now, that the warp core emanated. In many parts of the museum holo-projectors had been subsequently installed, so that the visitors could observe holograms of the crew doing their work. That was fascinating! One just had to push a small blue button next to each door and for about 10 minutes you could be part of the adventure. Needless to say, that we made use of that opportunity until exhaustion.

It was funny to watch aunt B'E. She was much younger and looked a lot like Miral. But then my eyes were caught by something red up on the upper level, rather by someone wearing the old Voyager uniform of a commanding officer. I knew at once that this person was different from all the other holograms. It was just a feeling. When she looked up, my heart started to beat faster. I would recognize her face anywhere. But what impressed me most were the incredibly sad eyes of Kathryn Janeway. Then she looked straight at me and a small smile played around her lips. I couldn't help but wave at her. Her smile grew wider and she really waved back. Intrigued I tried to step closer, but a hand placed firmly on my arm made me stop. I looked up into the face of my teacher. Everybody else was already filing through the doors. It was time to go. I managed to look back one more time, but to my disappointment, Captain Janeway was gone.

In my bed that night my thoughts always wandered back to her. Oh, how I wanted to see her smile again! I would have loved to talk to Grandpa about it. I knew he would have understood. But he wasn't there. He still worked for Starfleet sometimes and just spent a few days at a conference on Mars.

Silently I got out of bed, not bothering to put on my slippers. I liked the sensation of the carpet on my naked toes. Quietly I scurried down the hall and into the bedroom of Grandpa. There it was! The picture of her, laughing with eyes filled with joy. I made it back to my room unseen, the precious picture behind my back. For a long time I stared at her, until a plan started to form in my mind. A most wonderful plan! I fell asleep with the picture still in my hands.

The following morning I decided to follow through with my plan. I carefully put the picture in my schoolbag, said goodbye to my parents and left for the transporter station. I was lucky. The transporter officer who knows me very well was on vacation. Her substitute didn't look at all suspicious when I told him my destination. And there it was, the Voyager museum. The woman at the entrance was speaking animately to somebody on a screen. I couldn't believe my luck. I crouched down and run past her in no time. That had been too easy!

I looked for her in engineering first, but couldn't find her. Yet, I wasn't discouraged. Grandpa told me that almost all the time she could be found in her ready room. So there I went. And can you believe it? She was really there, sitting on the couch and watching the fake stars flying by.

"You are early, Chakotay."

I stared at her in surprise. She had been expecting me? "How... how did you...", I stammered.  
At the sound of my voice her head whipped around. The puzzled look she gave me finally made me realize that it wasn't me she had been expecting, but Grandpa. I felt her relax slightly. "Oh, now I remember you. Aren't you the boy who waved at me in engineering?" I nodded happily. She did remember me!

"I am sorry. For a while I thought we were still in space. The stars look so real. But Voyager isn't moving..." She sighed. I couldn't help but continue to stare at her. She wasn't at all what I expected her to be. In Grandpa's stories she was always strong and proud and brave and could stare down any enemy. To me she seemed rather small and sad. No, sad isn't the right word. She seemed more like my mother when she had a stressful day at work, weary.

"Which year is it?"

What an odd question. "Uh, 2410", I answered.

"Please, tell me where we are." It was almost a whisper.

"Voyager museum, of course. Grandpa said, that she never left Starfleet ground once she had landed in San Francisco."

"San Francisco!" Her eyes lit up. She seemed excited. Suddenly, the whole room was filled with her presence. "So we made it back to earth! I just can't remember..."

"What do you remember?", I asked.

"Oh, dying, actually", she said rather dryly. "The Conn console exploded and I was in the way."

"You did die that day and you saved Uncle Tom's life!"

"Oh, Tom... How is he and B'Elanna? How is the baby?"

"Baby? What ba... Oh. They are fine. They named the baby Miral, Miral Kathryn, after you", I exclaimed proudly. "Miral lives on a starship with her family. But when they visit us I like to play with Owen, he's ten. Annika is five."

She smiled at that. I loved it. That is why I came, to make her smile again. Then her gaze was totally fixed on me. I swallowed a lump in my throat. Her blue-gray eyes were searching my face and I had the feeling that she could see right through me. "And you are related to Chakotay, aren't you?"

"Yes, he is my Grandpa. My name is Chakotay, too."

She smiled again. "Oh, how rude of me! I never told you my name. I am Kathryn Janeway, but I guess you already knew that."

"Of course I know you. Everybody told me about you and I have seen your pictures." I climbed up the steps and sat down on the couch next to her. It didn't take long to find the picture in my rather empty schoolbag. "Here." I put it in her hands. "You looked so happy then and you were so sad, yesterday. You are so pretty when you laugh." I looked at the picture. "I want you to laugh again."

When I looked up I found her still tracing the picture with eyes full of wonder. It was a curious picture. She wasn't in her uniform and not on the ship, either. She was standing in front of a shelter of some kind on a beautiful planet and held a tomato in her hand. Grandpa had never told me the story behind it.

When she looked at me again, her eyes were oddly bright. "How is your Grandpa, Chakotay?" Her voice was warm and I loved the way she said my name, as if caressing it.

"He is fine, I think. He is on Mars for a conference."

"And Seven?"

"Seven?" I stared at her blankly. "Oh, Seven! You mean my Grandma? I don't know. She died before I was born." I noticed that her face fell. I made her sad again. So I hurriedly went on: "Mama says that she was a good mother, but sometimes a little bit Vulcan-like. And she had always adored you. Every time Mama and Uncle Magnus did something wrong, she would tell them, 'Captain Janeway said...' Mama says it was quite annoying sometimes." My efforts were rewarded with another smile. "Grandpa is wonderful! He always tells me stories about Voyager and we do a lot together. Last summer we went on a canoing trip. That was fun!"

Finally, I was successful: She laughed at my excitement.

"One day we explored some caves. But it had rained earlier and everything was so muddy. Well, I slipped and fell and all of my clothes were soaked and muddy. I had also scraped my knee. We beamed home at once and Mama was so furious at both of us. It was almost funny, but not quite. Later that evening Grandpa told me a story."

"Oh no! I can guess what is coming next."

I grinned. "Yes, he told me about that gooey stuff. You were on a planet and so fascinated by the wildlife that you didn't look where you were going."

"That is embarrassing! Besides, that was a long time ago", she groaned.

"No it wasn't", I protested, "you were already Captain of Voyager. And then you fell into this little pond with that slimy green mud. And it smelled horribly, too!"

Captain Janeway laughed at me and tousled my hair. "You're right. And Chakotay laughed so hard, it was maddening. So next thing he knew, he joined me for a little mud bath. That was a sight! Ha, ha, ha!"

"Really? He never told me that part."

"No, I guess he didn't." She grinned back at me.

"You know, you are so much different from the other holograms."

"Holograms?"

"Yes, they have installed holo-projectors all over the ship for the museum."

"Holo-projectors? I see. Like the engineering crew, when I first saw you?"

I nodded. And then it hit me. "You can't be a hologram. They are not programmed to interact with visitors. And I have seen you, I mean your hologram on the bridge, yesterday. It looked different. The hair was tied up and you looked stricter. And you only talked to the other holograms. Are you a ghost or an angel?" I stared at her with awe.

She chortled. "I am definitely not an angel!"

"But you must be! But why are you here? Angels never visit earth without a reason." On that I was pretty sure.

"Sorry. I don't have a reason to be here, but maybe Captains always stay with their ship." She stared at her hands and suddenly seemed far away. "I know what it feels like to be ghost on your own ship. Once, an alien tried to kill me and showed me visions to persuade me to come with him. I, I could go through walls and nobody did see me. I tried to contact them, but nobody heard. And then came my father, well, actually it was this alien and..." All at once her eyes where on me again, suspicion sparkled in their depths. "The last thing I remember is this exploding console. Now I am here. Nobody can see or hear me except you. Is that you again? Are you trying to persuade me to come with you again? I'll tell you it won't work! Now stop this charade!" She truly was angry now and the glare she directed at me was murderous. I wanted to just run away, yet I didn't.

"Really I don't know! I don't want you to go anywhere, I swear. I just wanted to make you laugh again, really!" I was close to tears, now. I never thought things would turn out this way.

The hissing sound of the ready room doors opening drew both our attention to two security officers standing in the doorway. They scrutinized me and my schoolbag with their eyes and I knew I was caught. "Aha who've we got here? Looks like somebody is skipping school. Come here boy." There was no way I could get away so I obediently joined them. "Your name and the name of your school please."

"Cha... Chakotay Halliday, I go to Riversedge Elementary." The two officers shared a look that scared me. "What..." My question was cut by a voice that seemed to echo mine: "...terrible scene at Riversedge Elementary..." It came from a small view screen that normally informed visitors about the bridge and other trivia. Now it was turned to play the news. It informed us that a fourteen year old boy had gotten hold of a phaser, stormed the school and fired into the first classroom. He killed ten students, the teacher and then himself when security approached him. It was all very vague to me. But then I saw Lucy in the arms of her mother, crying hysterically. And there was Aaron, the coolest guy of our class, white as a sheet. And there were David's parents, crying, clinging to each other desperately. Realization hit me so strong that I staggered. One of the officers caught me but it hardly registered in my brain. David, my best friend David, wasn't with them. I started to shiver uncontrollably. David, could David be dead? Gone, because a mad boy shot him? The first classroom of the school was ours. We always loved it to be out of the school building before anyone else. This boy had been in my school, my classmates got killed!

I don't know how long I stood there until I heard somebody talking. "The names of your parents, Chakotay, we need to inform them." I managed to tell them what they wanted to know. Only when they started to guide me away from the ready room I came somewhat to my senses. "No", I whispered, but nobody heard me. When they tugged on my arm more urgently, I spoke again, louder this time: "No, please, can I stay in the ready room to wait for my parents?" I must have looked pretty miserable, because one of them nodded. "You can stay in there, but no tantrums! Stephen here will stay on the bridge. Try to be quiet. We'll get your parents here as fast as possible, okay?

I was relieved to be allowed to go back in the ready room. In there I felt secure. Maybe everything had just been an horrible dream? Captain Janeway was still there and she looked at me with so much compassion in her eyes that it simply overwhelmed me. I sank down next to her and started to sob. But I wasn't only sad I was angry. When she patted my back all anger shifted towards her. Was not everything her fault? "You", I cried, "it was you! You tricked me into coming here again. Because of you I skipped school. I never skip school! I should have been there! Maybe David wouldn't be dead! Maybe I should be dead, too! I don't want him to be dead! I hate you! I hate you! I. Hate. You!" I used her as my punching bag, I hit her with my fists, I wailed for my parents, for David, for justice. It took me a long time to calm down. And she had been there all the time. She hadn't shouted at me, she hadn't tried to calm me and to whisper idiotic soothing words. But she was there with so much compassion in her eyes. "Let go of me! I hate you! You don't know how I feel. Nobody knows how I feel."

She looked very solemn when she answered me: "Not everybody knows what you are feeling right now. But I do and your Grandpa does, too. His family, all his people were killed and he wasn't there. He was so full of hate at himself and at the people that killed his family, that he joined the Maquis. He hated injustice."

I nodded. I knew that story. "But what happened to you?", I blurted out.

She took a deep breath. "I was on a test flight on a new shuttle with my father and my fiance. Something went wrong and we crashed on a planet called Tau Ceti Prime. I was thrown clear, but both my father and fiance were trapped in the shuttle. And it was sinking. I tried to use the transporter, but it didn't have enough energy to get them both. I just couldn't decide who would live and who would die and so I tried to beam them both out of the shuttle. I failed. They both died."

I stared at her with big eyes. To have to face such a decision! "What did you do?", I whispered.

"I wanted nothing but to die myself. I slept for months."

"Didn't you have any nightmares?"

She shook her head. "No, they came much later. My sister Phoebe rescued me. She threw ice-water over me and got me out of bed. I tried to live again for them, but it was difficult. I might have let go while I was walking in a blizzard, but then I found Petunia. She was a small, sick puppy and she needed my help. I had to live for her. A few weeks later, I switched to command and tried to be the best I could, for Daddy and for me. After a while the pain lessened. My best childhood friend Mark helped a lot. We were engaged when I took command of Voyager. But since then there had been some instances when I still wished that I had died in the shuttle with them."

"But why?"

"Oh, you see, a captain is responsible for his people. And Voyager was the hardest command I ever had. I made a decision that stranded the people I was responsible for in a dangerous part of space and separated them from their loved ones. It was very likely that we would never come home again."

"But you did get home! And the Ocampa would have ended up as slaves or dead. You did what every good captain would do. And Grandpa said you were one of the best!"

"Yet, every time one of my people died I asked myself whether it was right of me to decide over their lives like that."

"I think I understand. Still, you did the right thing. Without you the Maquis would be in prison or dead. Aunt B'E and Uncle Tom wouldn't have married and had kids and grandchildren." My eyes widened. "I think, I wouldn't be here without you either: Grandpa was one of the Maquis and you rescued Grandma from the Borg."

Captain Janeway smiled slightly. "See, that is why it is wise that we don't always get what we wish for. Every life is so precious!"

"Oh!" Until now I had forgotten about David and the others. It was still like a terrible nightmare, that hadn't sunken in really. I felt new, hot tears on my cheeks. And then she held me in her arms. Her presence was comforting, like the grandmother I never had.

My parents finally came. It was alarming how relieved they were to find me whole and alive. There were no scolding words for me skipping school only kisses and tears. When we left the ready room, I looked back once more and mouthed: "Thank you."

And all around me I heard her warm and loving voice: "You are very welcome, Chakotay."


	5. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_2421 - Memory Gardens_

The talk with Captain Janeway alone, of course, did not heal me from the guilt, anger and the profound grieve I was feeling, but it gave me an anchor I relied upon in many dark hours of my life. Many counseling sessions followed that horrible day. Today, I still think with horror about all the innocent lives that were taken, including that of the boy that was responsible for all the bloodshed. I can't imagine how desperate he must have felt and how awful afterwards right before he killed himself. Can you imagine how it feels like to know that you had just killed eleven people? Before, it may have been a game, but then? I know, I would have drowned in self-abhorrence.

What hit me hard was, that nobody did believe my story, not my parents and definitely not my counselors. They never scolded me for skipping school that day, yet they all thought that my insistence that I have talked to Captain Janeway was some kind of traumatic response. I have made her up to ease the pain somewhat. Only Grandpa understood. He came back the next day, listened to my seriously and held me when I cried. We also talked a bit about her.  
On the next day I found him in the doorway with a small potted rose in his hands. He allowed me to come with him and so for the very first time I visited Memory Gardens. He planted the roses, white roses, in the back of the memorial stone.  
My story, however, I kept securely tucked away in my heart. Since then I dreamed that one day I will meet a girl, who will believe my story, my Cinderella shoe story; I dreamed that one day I will find my soul mate.

"Oh, here you are! So, tell me, what is wrong with Kathryn Janeway?" A light and melodic voice snaps me out of my reverie and I look up. Right in front of me stands that girl I have seen in the library earlier, holding a PADD, my PADD, in her hands. My startled eyes meet her hazel ones that appear to search my face for something. She must have found it, as she nods and continues to speak: "I know. You could cope talking about the other great people in that sterile way, but your family history is tied to her. You know that she had been a human with feelings and weaknesses and so it frustrates you to ignore it all. I have an idea to change that, but I need your help." I stare at her dumbfounded, yet she ignores it. "You know what I wanted to gain from this class? What fascinates me most is the way all these different people instilled such loyalty in their crews. Take Kirk for an instance: his crew did follow him everywhere even against orders! Captain Janeway is even more interesting. For once, she is a woman, and we women tend to stick together. But she was also confronted with a very unique situation: stranded in the delta quadrant, having a whole new crew on board and the Maquis... Most of them didn't trust her, even hated her for what she represented. I know that Commander Chakotay played an essential part, yet she, too, must have done a lot to gain their respect. Can you remember what our teacher told us in the beginning of the semester? We don't have to do just an essay. We can work in groups of two, but it has to be a special project. How about we work out a report that we will address in class? We can include anything we like and show our teacher what this class really should be about." Out of breath she looks at me expectantly.

I don't know what to say. To be frank, I have seen her type quite often: girls who would give anything for a sensational story. And this is what I tell her. She sits down next to me on the marble bench with a serious face. "I understand. I still like to revolutionize that class. And I still like your help with it. We can start with some admiral whose behavior we'll have to analyze next week. It doesn't matter. You are right. I love stories and I still think that they would help a lot with our work, but I never wanted to use you or your heritage. Believe me." Suddenly, she jumped up. "Oh, I never even introduced myself. I am Katie...", she made a face, "well, actually Kathryn Morgenstern. But everybody just calls me Katie. They always told me that I have to grow up first to be a Kathryn, well they still do."

I look her over for the first time and smile at her. She is right, she is a Katie. She wears her light brown hair rather short, which gives her face with that little nose that is dusted with freckles and her sparkling hazel eyes an impish look. She seems to vibrate with a zest for life.

"And you are Chakotay, of course. I remember all the names of my classmates, but yours is special. So, will you work with me, please?" She gives me a puppy face that I can hardly resist. I laugh. "Well, you descended on me rather sudden, but yes, I will work with you. I think Captain Janeway will be alright."

"Oh, how wonderful!", she exclaimed brightly. Then she sobers some and stares at the last name on the stone. "I really would have liked to meet her and to get to know her. What was she like privately? Was she sometimes scared or sad? She probably was, of course. But people always tend to only remember the heroic acts not the real person behind it." She sighs wistfully.

"There is a story... I.. It is..." I hesitate. Can I really go on?

"It is of personal value to you, am I right?" I nod. "You don't have to tell me, then. But if you do, just know, that I won't tell anybody and I won't laugh about it."

I close my eyes for a short moment and then I start to tell her: "You see, we've planned this field trip..."


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

_Eight months later..._

"Honey, I'm home!" I stand in the hallway of our new apartment but nobody answers. I look around, yet I can't find Kathryn anywhere. On the table in the living rooms stands the vase with the dozen red roses I bought her, yesterday. Absentmindedly I count them while I wonder where my wife could be. Ten. Eleven. Twe... I had brought her twelve roses, did I not? Again I count, again there are only eleven roses. How odd! We just came back from our honeymoon and already I am missing my wife and a single red rose.

The wedding picture next to the roses catches my eyes and I can't help smiling. I clearly remember the day we met. When I had finished telling my story, the tears in her eyes took me by surprise. She just nodded, but didn't say anything. She never mentioned it again, yet I always hoped that she did believe me, for she is my soul mate. You ask about our project? It did go really well. We've both got an A+ for our efforts and lots of questions from our peers. Our teacher had shown an enthusiasm, we had never expected. Today, I almost believe that this was what the class truly was about, to learn to work together and to make an effort to change things. Other students took a leave out of our book. Command 101 was very interesting from that on.

A slight noise makes me look up. There she is. Her cheeks are flushed a little. I want to ask her where she had been but then my eyes are caught by the single white rose in her hand and I know that it came from the rose Grandpa planted so many years ago in the back of a memorial pillar. I take her in my arms and she whispers in my ears: "I just wanted to say thank you to her. I am so glad that she was your guardian angel."


End file.
